


what kind of man loves like this?

by AileenRao



Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Heartbreak, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Philophobia, Rejection, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-02-28 06:45:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13265919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AileenRao/pseuds/AileenRao
Summary: Judar becomes obsessed with the one person who does not love him and keeps wondering why his true feelings are not returned, because after all there is nothing not to love about him, right? Sinbad, on the other hand has always been afraid of a lover who demands more from him than what transpires between the sheets.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> "You fill his mouth. His teeth ache with memory of taste, his body just a long shadow seeking yours. But you are always too intense, frightening in the way you want him, unashamed and sacrificial. ... But even when sleeping you could feel him travelling away from you in his dreams. So what did you want to do love, split his head open? You can’t make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that. And if he wants to leave then let him leave. You are terrifying and strange and beautiful. Something not everyone knows how to love." - Warsan Shire

**Confession.**

 

Rejection is something everyone experiences sooner or later but Judar would have never believed it could happen to him, too. No, if they had told him there existed someone in this world who did not want him, Judar would only have laughed spitefully at them.

 

But here he was rejected by the only one whose touch he ever really craved and whose heart he wanted to own.

 

Judar cursed himself for being such a fool. He should have known better than to spill his guts to Sinbad, confessing his true feelings to him and saying the three words that ruined everything there was between them. They used to be lovers in the physical sense, sharing intimacy in between the sheets and granting each other heated passion that seemed to be so much more than just the mere act of copulation.

 

At least it seemed to him to be more than that but it turned out, Judar was too naïve to realize the truth. He had been an idiot for mistaking lust for love.


	2. II

**Want.**

 

The first thing that came to Sinbad’s mind the moment he met the once ridiculously small and excessively cocky brat again, was how a boy like that could have grown into the most wonderful creature he ever laid his eyes upon. Judar was more beautiful than most of the _many_ women he bedded and he knew his bed was _exactly_ where Sinbad wanted him to be.

 

The magi’s personality had not changed a bit, though. His arrogant behavior remained; if anything Judar had become even haughtier than before and that audacious smile still lingered on the lips he now longed to claim. Judar was still a _boy_ back then, fifteen if Sinbad remembered it correctly – but the delicacy of his wiry build shrouded in black silk and the gleam of his milk white skin made up for all of that. Handsome was not the right word to describe Judar. No, he was indeed, _beautiful;_ his eyes a hypnotizing ruby red, clashing with the purple of his eye-shadow.

 

The young magi could have had anyone go down on their knees for him if he demanded it, could have had anyone kiss the ground beneath his bare feet if he told them to and could have had anyone – male or female – lay with him if he wished for it. Possessing both beauty and power was a dangerous mixture and Sindria’s king was very close to fall victim to Judar’s charms.

 

And Sinbad knew Judar was well aware of how much he desired him. In this way Sinbad was easy to read. Lust was always clearly written across his face if he wanted someone and he had never learned to conceal it.

 

Looking back, he better should have because now there seemed to be no way out of the turmoil he, himself had caused when he led the magi into his private chambers, making love and setting feelings into motion he had always feared the most.

 

Sinbad had a history of breaking hearts but this time he had gone too far, fucking up in the worst way possible.

 

Judar truly had a reason for calling him “stupid king”.


	3. III

**Attachment.**

 

In the beginning he denied his feelings, telling himself over and over there was nothing more than physical attraction that pulled Judar towards Sindria’s king. He was only mesmerized by his smooth bronze colored skin, those warm golden eyes and the silkiness of his lavender hair which, in all its beauty, was in no way inferior to his own – even if he hated to admit it.   

 

There was a reason they called him first class singularity despite the unusual quality of his rukh – he had figured out that much when Judar first slept with Sinbad – and he thought it funny how fitting the title really was.

 

Expectedly, the way he made love was wild, untamed, ungentle. Sinbad truly lived up to the rumors that went around but Judar could not care less because he felt passion and a very faint, hidden tenderness in the roughness of his touch and his rapid stroke as he lay underneath his lover, entangled in and clinging to silky sheets. There was a certain peace in the violent way he handled his delicate body, a peculiar softness when he pulled roughly at his dark locks or pushed back into him.

 

Becoming attached was never Judar’s intention. Honestly, all he desired back than was Sinbad’s body and the opportunity to become his magi – really nothing more and nothing less. But it turned out quite the opposite; all of a sudden, unintended he longed to be more than the king’s dark secret no one knew about.

 

Conquering the world with the High King of the Seven Seas had been his primary goal once but all he wanted now was to conquer his heart.


	4. IV

**Cowardice.**

_‘I love you.’_

 

Sinbad lay in bed, wide awake; his back turned to his lover, his right hand clawing at the sheets tightly. A soft breeze entered the room now and then, enveloping their nude bodies with a gentle chill which slowly diminished the remaining heat and ecstasy still coursing through their veins. Usually, Sinbad would enjoy these moments of peace after savage love-making and the subsiding high the aftermath brought along with it, basking in its glow as he wrapped a strong arm around his partner’s waist.

 

But this time it felt down right terrifying.

 

Why did Judar have to say it? What came over him that made the young magi confess his love to the devious man that he was? It just was not right; Sinbad knew and as much as he tried to convince himself Judar did not mean it, it did not work. The sincerity in his lover’s crimson eyes as he spoke those three unfortunate words was as visible as the black rukh surrounding him, meaning there was no doubt about the honesty of what he had said.

 

Sinbad felt his body stiffen as the magi turned around, resting a delicate hand on his lover’s narrow hips and breathing softly into his ear: “I know you’re awake _, love_.” Judar pressed his lithe body closer to Sinbad’s, letting his hand travel downwards his muscular thigh and then up again to squeeze one of his nicely sculpted buttocks with teasing intent. “Want to go for yet another round?” the younger male breathed so seductively, Sinbad could not bear it.

 

“Fuck, Judar.” Sinbad cursed as he slapped the younger man’s hand away. “What’s the matter with you?” he said, sitting up straight and looking down on the beautiful magi whose eyes expressed utter confusion.

 

“Wha- what is it? Did I do something wrong, Sin-”  

 

“How do you even dare to ask that?” Sinbad nearly spat, running a hand through the entangled mess of his lilac hair. “Of course you did. Why on earth would you tell me you loved me, Judar? I know you _joke_ around a lot and it’s often distasteful but this; saying you love me it’s even more humiliating than the time you fucked with me, telling me that all your life you were only controlled by the organization and broke into fake tears, denouncing me in front of my generals and people. I could bear that, yes but whispering a confession of love over and over again in between the act _we both_ enjoy so much is just fucking crude. I have always tolerated your sassy attitude, Judar; even endured your insults without ever feeling the urge to punish you for your overstated arrogance but with this you have gone too far.”

 

“I meant it, Sinbad” Judar yelled as he tried to grab the older man’s wrist, tears gathering at the corners of those mesmerizing eyes the High King used to love so much. “I really did. It wasn’t a joke: you need to believe me.”

 

Sinbad could not help but to feel nauseated by the magi’s confession. This was not like the haughty boy – now proud man he knew; or rather thought he knew and the weight of his words seemed to crush him.

 

It was not like Sinbad had not heard those words before. There had been countless women who declared their love to him, aiming to become Sindria’s queen but their words were never laced with honesty. Hearing their whispers while their hands and mouths lingered on his cock was nothing hard to brush off as just the impudent attempt to become more than a concubine or lady of his harem. That, he took quite lightly, ignoring their claims but still smiling with that trademark smirk of his which made every one of them believe they could be his chosen one.

 

 _Of course they never would be_. Sinbad had sworn he would never marry nor have any children of his own because to him a family meant carrying an unnecessary burden around which could easily keep those with a higher purpose back from achieving their real, important goals and from fulfilling their destiny. 

 

Sinbad was one of those chosen individuals assigned to greater things than the average human being and he had always been aware of that fact. He would continue to strive and accomplish what he was meant to do. The flow of destiny constantly revealed itself before his very eyes, expanding, growing and changing, showing him what he needed to do, commanding him to keep on moving forward.

And this was what he was going to do.

 

Loving a person closer to you than a dear friend requires commitment and care; they will slow you down, distract you from what you truly desire and cage you inside feelings of affection and unconditional love you never were ready to give. Hence love and affection equal stagnation and sacrifice. This, he kept on telling himself the very moment his mother’s eyes fell shut forever.

 

Stagnation was the one thing he had always been the most afraid of, avoiding it at any cost.

 

And Judar was not going to be the one person who would make him change his principles, sacrificing everything he had poured his blood, sweat and tears into _. Uh Uh … not going to happen._ For all his beauty and grace and power _and_ any other qualities he possessed, Sinbad was not going to entirely commit himself to the magi, who looked so beautifully fragile now as he was crying, clinging to Sinbad’s upper arm.

 

“Why don’t you believe me?” Judar asked in between stifled sobs. “I wouldn’t joke about something as serious as that, Sinbad. Hurting your feelings is the last thing I intended to do.”

 

Lowering his amber eyes, Sinbad took the sight of his lover in; his delicateness was breathtaking and he wondered how a human being (he was a magi, yes; but he was still a human being after all) could look so enchanting while shedding tears. The women he saw crying after he had – once again – broken their hearts – had always made the king feel rather disgusted as he heard their sobs and witnessed their puffy eyes and reddened face.

In that regard, Judar was different. There was an ethereal beauty about the way his tears fell from crimson eyes, rolling down amber cheeks like glistening droplets of dew from a young plant’s leaf. Sinbad could not tear his eyes away from his young lover but could not bring himself to say something, either. He felt paralyzed, trapped and overwhelmed by guilt, unable to breathe.

 

Fear must have been what suffocation felt like, Sinbad mused as he ran a trembling hand through Judar’s soft black locks. His whole life he had never been really afraid of something but Judar’s love for him felt like being drowned in the deepest, blackest sea.

 

And he was damn afraid he would not come to the surface alive.  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope what I tried to convey in this chapter his somehow comprehensilble... in the end Sinbad is just a coward and afraid of being loved and giving love to the one he actually thinks deserves it. (Or something like this :'D)
> 
> I am really sorry to have depicted women in this way, though. :’I


End file.
